I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Panties = found
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize