Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
