I seem to have left my pride at pride
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
