i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
