Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
