I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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