Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
