Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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