yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
