ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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