he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize