And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
