Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
