Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
