the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Randomize
