saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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