What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
