i permit you to call me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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