I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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