after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
