Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
