And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
