i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
