Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
