I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize