I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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