The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
