The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
