can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
