I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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