She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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