This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
