I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
