wrigley field is MILF paradise
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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