took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you had me at cake vodka
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
