I accidentally had phone sex last night
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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