i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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