you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
