I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize