hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
