It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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