After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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