Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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