Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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