I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
