I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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