I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
