All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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