her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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