im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
