Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize