Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
