a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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