You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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