White coat. Heels.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize