I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
