Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
