What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
