We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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