I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
