3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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