I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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