in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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